HELP ME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

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victimizati0n · #1 Post by **victimizati0n** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 6:04 pm

ok this is whats happening:

my parents are out with friends, and they'll be back any minute so I REALLY need your help.

heres some background:

I volunteer on my sister's softball team, and so yea, whatever I meet this girl, her name is Michelle, and we've been going out for a while. we have a lot in common... anyways...

so she came over like an hour ago, and I really want to lose my virginity, so I ask her to have sex.

She said "No, no I can't its not right" but I told her "Dont worry I know what I'm doing, plus I'll give you two N64 games if you say yes."

So I give her Donkey Kong Racing and Ken Griffey Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scared.

Then I think to myself "I need lube right? I heard some guys saying you have to lube up or else it might not fit properly.

So I have no lube, but I really want to lose my virginity. I grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt, so I microwaved it for like 5 minutes and I put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying it burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes in the bathroom crying. Please help I am really really scared. Any idea how to get her to shut up? Should I give her another N64 game?

I7Iz490N · #2 Post by **I7Iz490N** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 6:29 pm

#3 Post by **palmboy5** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 6:59 pm

lol whats the point of this thread?

Q12321 · #4 Post by **Q12321** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:52 pm

Okayyyy.....

First, butter. Fucking retarded. If SHE was ready, you wouldn't need anything, more than likely.

Second, N64 games....WTF.

Third, don't ask. Start making out and all, and make your move. If she says no, tease her some more, keep going. If she REALLY ends up saying "No!" then stop, it's stupid (and could end up being illegal).

Q12321 · #5 Post by **Q12321** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:53 pm

Why'd you post this here if you needed an immediate response anyway? This place is slow as fuck.

I7Iz490N · #6 Post by **I7Iz490N** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:02 pm

Directive · #7 Post by **Directive** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 9:52 pm

OMFG

OK, first off (I know this is a late response), She needs to rinse her scalded area with luke-warm water to rinse the HOT butter off. The some burn cream might be nice, just don't get it inside her. Then she should see a Dr. right away. I guess for future reference.

Second, I agree with everyone else. It may have sounded good in theory, but if you would think with the head on yr shoulder AT ALL TIMES so situations like this could be avoided. Now I hope you learned from this very bad mistake.

Good luck to ya.

victimizati0n · #8 Post by **victimizati0n** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 10:51 pm

Directive wrote:OMFG

OK, first off (I know this is a late response), She needs to rinse her scalded area with luke-warm water to rinse the HOT butter off. The some burn cream might be nice, just don't get it inside her. Then she should see a Dr. right away. I guess for future reference.

Second, I agree with everyone else. It may have sounded good in theory, but if you would think with the head on yr shoulder AT ALL TIMES so situations like this could be avoided. Now I hope you learned from this very bad mistake.

Good luck to ya.

yeah, we took her to the doctor, but made up an excuse as to how she got burnt (we said she spilled hot coffee we made in her lap) but the doctor shaved her cooter bald and put some anti-burn cream shit on, she has to put it on 3 times a day untill the rash/burn heals up

#9 Post by **palmboy5** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:40 pm

LOL you know, youve never called it a cooter in our chats

victimizati0n · #10 Post by **victimizati0n** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:49 am

palmboy5 wrote:LOL you know, youve never called it a cooter in our chats

iv never talked about that in our chats either

2005 · #11 Post by **2005** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 3:22 pm

This is pretty much THE most absurd post ever in the history of BWP or BWP2.

You don't "ask" a girl to have sex with you, at least you shouldn't have to.

Offering N64 games in exchange for sex is just about the funniest thing I've read in a long long time.

If the time is right and she's ready then you won't need to ask.

LOL at this thread. Whats the rush anyhow, I'm 20 and haven't lost mine yet. I did just met this girl and I have been taking her out, seems really into me so it might not be long. But I wouldn't just ask her "Wanna Fuck?" lol

I7Iz490N · #12 Post by **I7Iz490N** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:40 pm

#13 Post by **palmboy5** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:16 pm

You can't ALWAYS just wait for them to want to have sex. If you do that you'll be at the girl's mercy, which is unmanly! Sure don't ask until the first time she accepts on her own but after that go ahead o-o, just don't overdo it is all.

victimizati0n · #14 Post by **victimizati0n** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 9:05 pm

you guys do know this thread isnt real.. i mean come on im not stupid

2005 · #15 Post by **2005** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 9:53 pm

SUCK IT DRY BITCH